Myths & Facts of Domestic Violence

By Hayat Mohamed, BlackVoices.com

As we end the month of October, we should also know that this month marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Contrary to popular belief, domestic violence is quite common. The recent tragic events involving the death of Jennifer Hudson's immediate family members and the arrest of former 'Soul Train' host, Don Cornelius, just go to show that domestic violence is a widespread issue in this country.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), one in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

The NCADV also reports that a staggering 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by a partner each year. Don't be fooled though, domestic violence also includes verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse as well. Whether someone endures constant put downs, verbal threats or mental domination, this is still considered domestic violence.

Domestic Violence Myths Exposed

Myth: Women are the only victims of domestic violence.

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Fact: Although women make up the majority of victims of domestic violence, men are not to be excluded. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, men account for approximately 15% of the victims of reported abuse by an intimate partner. Men often fail to report the abuse because they fear no one will believe them or take them seriously. Children are also victims. In a national survey, 50 percent of the men who frequently assaulted their wives also frequently abused their children.

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Myth: Domestic violence happens only in poor, uneducated, minority households.

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Fact: There is no "typical victim" of domestic violence. It happens in ALL families and relationships. Regardless of age, class, religion, marital status or gender, anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. However, some statistics show that "minority" communities have higher rates of domestic violence. Approximately one in four women are victims of abuse.

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Myth: Domestic violence is only physical abuse.

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Fact: Domestic violence can come in the form of physical, emotional, psychological, and/or sexual abuse. According to Verbalabuse.com, name-calling is abusive because it says that you are BLANK, instead of a person. Batterers define their mates as objects. It isn't healthy to be in the same room with a person who defines you, and it is harmful to children who witness it. Physical abuse often begins with and is accompanied by verbal battering.

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Myth: If a woman doesn't leave, it must not be so bad.

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Fact: Leaving an abusive relationship is easier said than done. Women stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. The victim may:
-Be afraid of what the abuser may do if he finds out
-Have financial dependency on the abuser
-Be in love with the abuser
-Believe the abuse is her fault
-Have no other place to live
-Stay for the 'sake of the children'; the idea being that two parents are better than one.

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Myth: Women who are abused often provoke it.

Fact: Abuse is often learned -- more than half of children who witness abuse will go on to be abusers -- and an abuser chooses to abuse. No one deserves to be abused and the abuser is the only one to blame.

In many cases the person being abused is not the only victim. A national survey on domestic violence reported that in 40% of domestic violence cases, children are also victims of abuse. NCADV states that boys who witness violence in the home are twice as likely to abuse their partners and children when they become adults.

Presidential hopeful Senator Barack Obama acknowledges that domestic violence is a major issue in this country. In a statement released earlier this month by his campaign, Obama stated, "We'll stop treating this as just a woman's issue and start recognizing that when a woman is attacked, that abuse scars not only the victim, but her loved ones, sending currents of violence that ripple across our society."

Many people feel like they would be crossing the line by getting involved and trying to stop an abusive relationship but knowing about an abusive relationship can become a burden. If you know of someone close to you who is in an abusive relationship, try your best to talk to them. Approach the person in a sensitive way and make sure you don't come off as too judgmental. Make sure she understands that you are there if she needs to talk. Many women deny or get defensive if you even suggest that they are being abused. All you can do is listen without judging and help them to find ways to become stronger and safer.

By no means is it easy to walk away from an abusive relationship but we at Black Voices urge those who are in one to seek help. There are hundreds of shelters that provide relief for women and their children when they are ready to leave an abusive relationship. Below are hotline numbers and websites you can use to get more information on Domestic Violence. If you have a family or friend that you know is being abused, you can also call these hotlines to strategize the best way to try to help.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
National Center for Victims of Crime: 1-800-FYI-CALL (1-800-394-2255)

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